


Bend but not broken (yet)

by SemiSentientWreck



Category: Sea Patrol (TV)
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Gen, Help, How Do I Tag, I Tried, Not Beta Read, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:08:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25432879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SemiSentientWreck/pseuds/SemiSentientWreck
Summary: "The explosion was deafening and felt like it had gone off directly next to him. The ringing in his ears was quickly overshadowed by the pain that tore through his body..."(2Dads went through several traumatic experiences throughout the show, without any of the highly likely resulting mental consequences being addressed. I tried my best to do just that.)[Pls don't repost]
Kudos: 6





	Bend but not broken (yet)

**Author's Note:**

> I am in no way a mental health professional and my depiction of PTSD and Panic Attacks could therfore be highly flawed! I did some research to try and avoid mistakes but I can guarantee for nothing...  
> Potentially triggering, I don't know  
> English is not my first language  
> I may continue this in the future, but for now it's just a OneShot  
> Pls don't repost my work.  
> (Also posted on Wattpad and Fanfiction.net)

The explosion was deafening and felt like it had gone off directly next to him. The ringing in his ears was quickly overshadowed by the pain that tore through his body. Over the ringing he could hear other people screaming in agony and crying out for help. Before he could even really comprehend what was going on, was he all of a sudden surrounded by the cold depths of the ocean. He tore open his eyes to be able to see in the dark water, but immediately wished he hadn't. All he saw was blood and the girl he had teamed up with for the diving trip being torn apart by the boat's rotor.  
As the boat came closer and closer to him he realized with growing panic that he couldn't move his legs. They felt like they had been caught in ropes, rooting him in place. Just when he was sure he was about to suffer the same fate as poor Elkie and preparing for the inevitable excruciating pain, did he wake up soaked in sweat and tangled in his blanket.  
It took him a couple of minutes of just lying there to get his heart to stop feeling like it was about to hammer out of his chest. Looking at his alarm clock he realized that it was only shortly before his alarm would have gone off anyway and started untangling his legs from their bounds.  
Stepping under the spray of the shower he turned the water on cold, in hopes of washing away not only the sweat but also the lingering feeling of terror as well as the exhaustion that had settled into his bones over the past couple of days. Unfortunately did the cold shower not seem to do much more than remind him of his swim in the ocean from his dream, so he turned the water back on warm and finished his wash as quickly as possible.  
Looking up into the mirror, whilst brushing his teeth, he noted the dark shadows under his eyes.  
He wasn't sure what had caused the previously only occasional nightmares to become much more frequent and a lot more intense, them combined with recent bouts of insomnia causing him to only sleep one or two hours every night for the last few days. His only guess was that it had been triggered by him being quite stressed in general after he had gotten in trouble with the CO because of an admittedly stupid prank. The prank had unfortunately also backfired spectacularly, resulting in a mess that had to be cleaned up by not only himself but also several of his crewmates including some of his friends. The whole affair had therefore put him in the outs with not only his boss but also big parts of the crew and his friends. He had only meant to cheer up Bird a little after she had appeared down for some reason.  
He left his apartment without eating breakfast, he wasn't really hungry so he didn't see much sense in forcing something down. He was still very tired but the terror from before had been replaced by a strange feeling of disconnect. On his way to the port he wondered whether or not the weekend had been enough time for him to be forgiven again.  
After stepping aboard the HMAS Hammersley he quickly realized that that wasn't the case, so he spent the rest of the day alone whilst surrounded by people. He also got the feeling of still being on quite thin ice with the CO and therefore decided to keep his smart-ass remarks to himself for once.  
He skipped the meals in favor of working on the tasks his punishment entailed, he wasn't hungry anyway.  
Whilst he normally loved people and talking and joking around with his friends, he was kind of glad that they were avoiding him. He wasn't sure if he could have kept up his usual loud and cheery demeanor. Leo did however still wonder why nobody commented on the exhaustion evident under his eyes, until he realized that they probably just thought that he had been out partying and gambling all weekend. To be fair he had planned on doing just that, considering it was one of the first whole weekends they had spent in their home port in quite a while, but when he had arrived at his apartment the mere thought of leaving it again and being around people had not only caused his already existing exhaustion to become ten times worse it had also brought a feeling of dread and discomfort. Even leaving his home for some necessary grocery shopping had seemed like too much.  
If he was being honest with himself, which he rarely was, scared him these changes quite a lot. Normally he didn't mind company, craved it even, but now he was even glad that his bunk mate Ro had a night shift and was wherefore not present as he lay awake in his bunk. Looking at his watch he realized with a start that almost three hours had passed with him just lying there staring at the underside of Ro's bunk without really seeing it. How had so much time passed without him realizing? Why was he still not feeling hungry, even though he hadn't eaten all day? What was happening to him?!  
His breathing became quicker and quicker and it felt like he just couldn't get any oxygen into his lungs. Logically he knew that there was enough oxygen in the room and that he wasn't back in that damned submarine, slowly suffocating, alone on the bottom of the ocean but that didn't help him fight the thoughts and feelings suggesting otherwise. They grew louder and louder until every logical thought was overpowered and forgotten.  
When he finally managed to get his breathing back under control, there were wet tracks on his cheeks from tears he hadn't even realized he had shed, and he was feeling more exhausted, both mentally and physically, than ever before.  
Turning to face the wall he closed his eyes and prayed to whichever God would listen that the nightmares would leave him alone for at least that one night.  
Waking up once again soaked in sweat and almost as tired as before going to sleep, he could only be grateful that he at least didn't remember the dream this time and as he got up for another grueling day he couldn't help but feel like the universe itself hated him and took big pleasures in seeing him suffer.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading :)  
> I would appreciate any constructive criticism or tips on how to improve my writing


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